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JUST BEFORE SUNRISE 

 Original 2003_ Oil on Canvas__ 48 in. x 36 in.

 

 

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Jackson Pollack was once asked,  "How do you know when it's done?" 

His response was,  "How do you know when making love is over?  You just do!"  

 

 

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Simba ate the bindings off of all of my first editions.  He LITERALLY destroyed them.  They were so precious.   I was speechless.  These were the books that my mother had read to me when I was just a child.  They were the only thing that I had salvaged from my childhood home on the day my father was preparing to leave with his new wife (belly full with child) to southeast Asia.  He had told us to come and get whatever we wanted from the house.  I didn't take any sterling silver or china or crystal or jewels.  I took the only thing of real value to me.  I took a book of poetry and the entire collection of Winnie the Pooh. Silly me!  I should have been angry with Simba.  But how could I be - he did not know what they meant to me. What they had truly meant to me.  So I just sat down,  and I wept until there were no more tears.  And Simba came and lay down beside me and put his head in my lap.  And I reached over to him and smiled when he did that and said,  "You silly dog.  Of course I still love you!"  . . . 

 

 

 

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I put down my brush. It was gratifying.   I tried to soak in that moment.  The brush stroke,  what that last stroke felt like when I knew,  . . . the image -- what it looked like when i saw it, complete, for the first time. . . . . leaning over and feeling Simba's smooth black labrador retriever coat as he lay by my feet in my Toluca Lake apartment . . . .  Buster staring back at me from the kitchen,  well -- alternately staring at me and then poking his nose in the direction of the 'goodie drawer,' as if to say come hither and see what I've found  . . . . good 'ol Buster Brown!  My big beautiful sedge Chessie  . . . GOD, how I loved that dog!  I loved them both.  Deeply.   So,  . . . . . . YES!  I do remember THAT moment!  I remember EXACTLY what it felt like -- all of it -- the satisfaction of it -- and realizing that THIS moment -- with all of its particulars -- that it was THIS EXACT MOMENT that I loved so much and I was in it and I realized it while I was in it (a gift!), and I tried hard to take a snapshot of it in my mind so I could summon it forth at some point in the future when it was no longer  . . . and just yesterday that is what I did.   I summoned it forth.  And then I was able to let go of the painting.  A piece I thought I would never NEVER be able to part with.  I was able to part with the painting,  because the most important part of it is what lies within me still.  I know wherever you are you already know this,  but I will say it anyway.  You are always in my heart and will always be in my heart.  And that will never leave me ~

 

 

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It feels like The Meadow. . . .  the one that's en route to my Pine Forest.  The rush of excitement as the moment when I enter the Pine Forest is at hand.   The storm of excitement and love I am feeling inside of me on the approach.   The beauty of the stillness and the thrill of anticipation.  That is what it feels like to me. . . . . and much, so much more!

 

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Someone cut me off in traffic.   That is one good reason not to bring coffee in the car while driving to work in the morning.  It stains. (And for the record,  YES,  I do have one of those 'travel mugs.'  Hint:  They do not always work!)  But on the occasion of destroying my beautiful dress en route to my office,  instead of being upset about it,  I had a unique response.  I made a mental note to make a fresh pot when I got home from work.  So I did.  And then - this time as planned - I poured it onto the canvas - yes, it stains! That rich warm feeling you see in Sunrise is due to one of my favorites,  French Vanilla Nut Decaf.   

 

 

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"Do you remember what it felt like?" asked Christopher Robin 

"Yes," he said.  "It was amazing." 

"Finishing?" asked Christopher Robin.  " . . . the final brush stroke?"

"No," said Pooh.  "But that was good too."

"The final image?"  asked Christopher Robin

"No.  Not that,"  replied Pooh.

 

They stood there silently.  And they both looked up at it. 

 

"I put us in there, "  said Pooh, not looking up.  Pooh was surprised nobody, not even Christopher Robin had noticed . . . 

"Really?" replied Christopher Robin, surprised.  "Where?"  he asked.

"There," said Pooh, pointing. 

"I don't see you,"  said Christopher Robin

"You're not looking hard enough,"  replied Pooh.
"Can you show me?"  he asked. 

"Yes,"  replied Pooh Bear.  And with that, Christopher Robin looked very closely.  And then his eyes lit up.  And he smiled. 

 

"Ahhh...." said Christopher Robin.  "I didn't see you there before!"  (Christopher Robin was surprised.)

"You didn't look," replied Pooh.

"I did look," said Christopher Robin.  

"No.  You didn't."

Christopher Robin stood quietly by Pooh's side. 

"Yes.  I suppose I did not.  I did not know where to look.  Or what I was looking for.  Now I see,"  his voice trailed off . . . 

"Yes," replied Pooh.  "Both of us, together."

Christopher Robin stared at it again.  Suddenly he could see what Pooh was trying to say. . . 

He reached over and he took Pooh's hand in his. 

 

"So now you know what it means to me?" asked Pooh.  But he wasn't really asking.   Pooh knew! 

They stood there again.  The two of them,  together. 

"It's not the painting or even the brush stroke that makes it special," Christopher Robin whispered.

 "EXACTLY!" said Pooh.  

 

 

Provenance:  

2003: Don O'Melveny Gallery, Melrose Avenue, Los Angeles, California

2003:  International Artshow, New York City, NY

2004-2006:  United States Embassy,  Maputo Mozambique,  Africa

2022:  Los Angeles Art Association,  Catalog Vol. IV 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Archival Prints Available